Dan Vs The Baby in the Basket
by razzberry96
Summary: What happens when Dan opens the door and finds a basket with a note attached to it? Find out in this oneshot!


Early that beautiful Saturday morning, Chris was at his best friend Dan's small cramped apartment helping him clean. It was made in writing that the first Saturday of every month, Chris and Dan would deep clean the dirty, disgusting apartment. Even though the very next day it would return to being a mess again. Chris looked questionably at the pair of underwear laying on Dan's bed.

"Hey Dan," Chris called from the bedroom. "Is the underwear on your bed clean or dirty?"

Dan poked his head out from the bathroom, " I don't know. Smell it."

"I'm not going to smell your underwear. Do you know how many germs-"

"Just throw it in the basket then baby." Dan said cutting Chris off.

"I'm not a baby," Chris whispered to himself. "I'm a full grown man." He tossed the probably dirty underwear in the full landuary basket. Two hours passes with the non-stop cleaning and non-stop complaing from Dan. Chris was in the middle of scrubbing the green stuff off the toilet, something Dan should have done earlier, when his stomach began to growl.

"Hey Dan, I'm getting hungry." Chris stood up and walked to the living room, " Are you hun- and your asleep." Chris saw Dan sleeping on his beat up couch, clinging onto a rag, with a bit of drool on the side of his mouth. Chris walked up to the couch and tapped Dan on the shoulder, " Dan... wake up."

The short man stirred in his sleep and continued to snore. Chris sighed and tapped again, this time a little bit harder. " Dan, wake up." Dan didn't move this time. Chris thought for a second and then got an idea. "Dan, Mr. Mumbles is on the roof."

Dan bolted up, "Don't do it Mr. Mumbles! Your too young!" Dan looked around to see his kitten curled up in her small bed looking at him. Chris let out a small laugh, " Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

Dan stood up and stomped to the front door, "Fine... But your pay- Whoa!" Dan yelled as he tripped over something when he opened the door. Chris ran up to him,

"Oh my gosh, Dan. Are you okay?"

"Stupid mailman. Leaving a package in front of my door." Dan said angrily as he rubbed his head.

Chris looked down at the object Dan had tripped over. It seemed to be a small basket with a white blanket over it. Chris looked at it suspiciously. "I don't think the mailman delivered this."

Dan stood up and looked at the basket, " If it's not for me, I don't care. Come on, let's go eat."

Chris grabbed Dan's arm and pulled him back before he reached the stairs, "Hang on a sec. Look, there's a note." Chris knelt down and took the note from the basket. He read it out loud, " Dan, next time wear a condom. Jerk."

'"Jerk? Hey, that's my line!" Dan blurted out, completely ignoring the obvious. Chris looked at the note and then at the covered basket. He reached over and pulled the cover away.

"Uh-oh."

Dan looked inside the basket, " Is that what I think it is?" Inside the basket lay a sleeping baby girl. She seemed no older than a year old. A pink bow was placed on her head.

"It's a baby." Chris said quietly.

"Yes Chris, I think we're all aware of what a baby looks like." Dan said folding his arms. "It's not mine. Get rid of it."

Chris looked at his cold, heartless friend and wondered how ruthless the little man could be. " First of all Dan," Chris started holding in his anger, " It's a girl. And second of all, this note says she's yours. I'm calling Elise." Chris pulled out his phone and began dialing his wife.

Dan groaned, " Awww, what for? She's probably going to screw it all up." Dan took a closer look at the young girl, " It is kinda cute the way it sleeps."

Chris covered the phone, " Her Dan, it's a her."

Dan rolled his eyes, then he continued to stare at the baby. She had short, black curly hair and a cute button nose. She also had the tiniest lips Dan had ever seen. He couldn't help but fall in love with the child.

"Hey Elise," Chris said when Elise finally answered. "We have bit of a problem."

Meanwhile, Elise was in the heart of little Tokyo fighting off a group of ninjas. She was trying to stop the evil from realising a gas that would make the world smell like rotten dead fish. Her blue tooth was in her ear, while her katana was in her hands.

"Hi honey!" Elise answered as if everything was okay. "What's... wrong?"

Hearing the commotion in the background, Chris just couldn't help but ask. " Are you okay? What's that noise in the background?"

Elise fell to the floor as one of the ninjas tackled her down. She used her katana to hold back the ninja's weapon. "Oh I'm fine sweetheart. Just...ungh... trying out that new Zumba from Japan."

"Oh... okay." Chris said nodding his head. "Listen, it seems that Dan has a bit of a problem."

"Dan is a problem." Elise countered. Hearing Dan's name and the word problem in the same sentence made Elise mad and kicked the ninja off.

Chris looked at Dan who was touching the baby's nose. "She's sleeping Dan, leave her alone."

I'm the father, I can do what I want." Dan snapped back.

"Oh now you're the father." Chris said lowly.

"Chris?" Elise asked.

"Yeah, sorry I'm here. Anyways, do we have a car seat in the garage? For a baby? Preferably for a one year old?"

Elise jumped rooftop from rooftop trying to escape the ninjas. "A car seat? Yeah I think we have the blue one from the last time my cousin's kids came over. Why?"

"Dan has a daughter?" Elise said when she came back from her successful mission. She drove to Dan's apartment with the car seat in the back, thinking it was for one of the neighbors, but when Elise saw the child she lost it.

"Hey," Dan said, " It's not mine."

"Wait a minute, an hour ago you said you were the father. And it's a girl!" Chris said angrily.

Elise sat on Dan's couch holding onto the little girl, who was now fully awake and giggling with joy. Elise looked into her eyes. "Well Dan, she has your eyes."

"No she doesn't." Dan fired back, " My eyes are unique."

Chris rolled his eyes, " The first thing we need to do is prove that Dan is the father."

Elise spoke up, " All I wanna know is, how in the world did you do it?"

"Elise if you must know, and I cant believe your parents haven't told you," Dan said in his I-know-everything attitude, " When a man and a woman like each other-"

Elise smacked him hard on the back of the head, " I know that! What I meant was how in the world you got a woman to be with you? In a bed! Was she human?"

"Yes she was human. And I got her with my charming good looks and amazing manners."

"Who is this woman? Have we met her?" Chris asked.

"No. I met her at the liquor store." Dan answered.

"Charming." Elise rolled her eyes. "What's her name?"

Dan shrugged, " Name slipped my mind. Anyway, she was standing around the corner and we talked for a while and then I brought her here." Dan finished his story, " That was a couple of months ago."

Elise and Chris looked at each other and sighed, " Oh Dan..."

"Let's go." Elise said.

"Where?" Dan asked as they walked to the door. They put the baby girl in her car seat and drove to the doctors.

...

Dan, Elise and Chris along with the baby girl waited in the doctor's office after she had been checked for any signs of an infection or diseases. When all was clear and she was in perfect health, it was time for the moment of truth. They awaited for the doctor to come in with the results.

"That hurt." Dan said as he looked at his finger where Dr. Rios pricked him.

"How do you think she felt Dan." Elise said annoyingly.

"By the way Dan if she's yours," Chris said as he picked up a packet that said 'Parenthood', "What are you going to name her? Your lady friend didn't exactly tell us."

"I don't know. I was thinking Samurai. That would be a cool name to give her." Dan said smiling.

"You are not naming her that." Elise snapped.

Chris picked up a doll from the corner where toys were set up for the children while waiting , and handed it to the little girl. "Come on Dan. Look at this cutie. What name would you give her?"

"I'll name her... if she's mine." Dan said.

As if on que, Dr. Rios walked in with his clipboard. The three adults looked at him with questioning eyes awaiting his answer.

"She's your Dan." Was all he said.

...

For the rest of that Saturday, Chris, Dan, and Elsie went from baby store to baby store picking up diapers, bottles, clothes, and other stuff the unamed baby might need. Dan still couldn't believe he was a father. He wasn't ready. He could barley take care of himself let alone another human being.

Elise was more upset than anything. How could Dan be so irresponsible? Was all she could think about. She looked down at her flat stomach and sighed.

Chris was tired with all the driving around and just wanted to sleep, but after seeing how upset Elise was he decided sleeping was the not the best option. They decided to go back to Elise and Chris's house for the night and sleep and then take care of everything in the morning. As Dan was in the bathroom, and the little baby playing with the toys they bought her, Elise took Chris into the room.

"I can't believe Dan." She whispered.

"I know... but what are we going to do?"

"It's not just that... It's just uh!" Elise groaned as she sat on the bed looking down.

Chris raised his eyebrow and sat down and put his arm around her shoulder, " Hey honey it's okay. We'll have one in no time." Knowing that Elise wanted a child and then seeing Dan have one bothered Elise very badly. Chris and Elise had been trying for a long time, but for some reason Elise never got pregnant.

"Chris... remember when we were at the doctors and I went to the bathroom?" Elise asked.

"Yeah, you were gone for a long, long time."

"Well, I didn't go to the restroom. I went to go and see Dr. Alacra."

"Alacra? What for?" Then Chris's eyes widened as he looked at Elise's stomach, " Honey are you? Are we?"

Elise shook her head, " Honey I can't get pregnant." A single tear fell from Elise's eye. Chris pulled her in for a hug as she cried into his chest. Dan, who overheard the entire conversation as he was coming out from the bathroom felt pain in his heart. He shook his head and went to pick up his daughter.

"What am I going to do kid? I can't take care of you. I can't even take care of myself. And trust me, you do not want to live in my house." Dan said to her as if she could actually understand him. The little girl giggled and said something back which Dan couldn't understand but shook his head anyway. " Yeah. I get it kid. I get it."

...

Early the next morning Elise woke up and walked to the kitchen to grab herself a cup of coffee when she noticed Dan playing with his daughter. "Watch out Lily, the tornado is coming. Run." Dan laughed. He grabbed the doll and placed it on his head making the little girl laugh. Elise walked up to the couch and smiled, " Lily?"

Dan turned around, " Yeah, it's what I'm naming her. Lily." He smiled.

"I like it." Elise said.

Chris walked in, " What's up honey?

"Dan found a name. Lily."

"Pretty." Chris said.

Dan stood up, "Yeah... listen. I need to talk to you two." He picked up Lily and sat down at the kitchen table. Chris and Elsie looked at each other and then at Dan. He sighed, " We all know that I am not capable of taking care of her. We know I'm not the responsible one. I want her to have a better life, a better future."

Chris and Elise couldn't believe what they were hearing. And from Dan. The most stubborn man they've ever knew.

Dan played with Lily's hair, " I made a decision and I'm hoping you guys agree." Dan sighed. " I would like it if you two would adopt her."

Elise almost choked on her coffee as Chris's mouth dropped in a perfect O form. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I know she will be better off here." Dan answered.

Elise and Chris agreed and called their lawyer to make the adoption happen. Dan was happy that his daughter was in perfect care and that was able to visit her whenever he wanted. Elise hugged her new adopted daughter and kissed her on the cheek. Chris shook Dan's hand,

"Thank you Dan." Chris smiled.

"You got it buddy." Dan said. He smiled knowing that he made the right choice.

**A/N: And there you have it :) This was made for a friend/fan who asked me to write this. This goes out to CMR Rosa. I hope you enjoyed this oneshot and please review/comment. Thank You.**


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